“Hi, what the f*ck is PLAN B?”

My name is Brandon B. and I am a Taurus from Los Angeles.  I was raised in a poor but supportive family and upon turning 18 immersed myself in the Hollywood lifestyle.  I am a published poet, I have done television and commercial stuff on the not-a-big-deal-but-pretty-cool side of the industry, I was one of the best improv comics of my time for almost a decade, I have done a million plays and musical pieces, I have done performance art both headlining and supporting, and one time Jerry Bruckheimer bought me a large bottle of vodka and paid for my hotel room in Maui.

If my story ended there, people would probably take me a little more seriously than they do.  However, the last five years of my life have changed all of that.

My name is Brandon B. and I am a self-proclaimed sex educator living in New York.   I run a sex product review site for gay men called TheINQUEERY.com where stories of my masturbation and sex life are often put on display for the sake of education, I’m the manager of an upscale adult sex toy store called The Pleasure Chest in New York, I facilitate technique-based sex workshops around the city, I model in erotic photography, and I write gay explicit smut that I sometimes compile into a physical mini art zine complete with erotic artwork and photo sets.

One of my favorite things these days is meeting someone new.  The first few minutes of the conversation are neutral, friendly, and — at it’s core — polite.  Then the question that I have come to loathe answering is asked; “So what is it that you do?”

I have attempted several different styles of answers to this question, all yielding approximately equal results.  The reactions I am met with are as follows:

“WOW that must be fun!”

This person typically views me as a novelty in a social setting. Their eyes immediately widen and they usually ask me something generic like “I bet you meet a lot of crazy people” because apparently only crazy people have sex.  This person will never ask me out on a date, much less ask me to hang out.  If he has a boyfriend he will mention him as soon as possible or suddenly become very PDA with him if he is present as an indicator that I am not permitted to sink my slutty fangs into his supple man flesh.  I am no longer just another person that can be asked basic social questions anymore and his struggle to come up with sex industry specific topics to entertain me with (because that is all I must care about) is painfully obvious, and as soon as it is possible he will turn to someone else and strike up a real conversation with them.

“Yeah I have heard of you [insert bitchy smile here]…”

This person basically hates me.  A few of his friends have brought me up periodically in casual conversation here and there in a positive way and his usual response to whoever brought me up is an eye-roll combined with some comment about what trash I am.  He will have never read my website or interacted with me in any way before this immediately cold stand-offish posture.  Anything that I say within the first two minutes of meeting he will feel the need to make a comment on as if to dismiss and/or challenge me depending on present company.  My unyielding patience for this type of person and my constant high-road attitude usually frustrates them and they realize that they want to go to the patio, go back inside, go to another venue, go to where ever I’m not, and as he leaves he’ll flash another smug smile and tell me how nice it was to meet me.  At most he will shake my hand before he abruptly turns to leave.


This person was raised Catholic.  My mere presence makes them feel like they are contracting herpes and they use terms like “wreaks of sex.”  They are stunned and never fathomed that they would meet one of them face to face before.  They immediately assume I’m a porn star and will tell me that although it’s not a lifestyle that they would ever choose to do they respect my right to do whatever I want with my body.  They’ll stick close to their friends and won’t be able to keep their straw out of their mouth.  They will suddenly be drinking much faster than usual, unsure of how to act around this homosexual succubus.

“Oh yeah? [insert sly I'm-a-shoe-in moves here]…”

I am a village bicycle and this person wants a ride.  Because I am in the sex industry they feel like not only can they cut out all that annoying get-to-know-you mumbo jumbo, they also assume that I want to sleep with them, obviously, because the sex thing right?  His moves will involve smiling at me like a wolf and coyly brushing against my arm or thigh.  When I finally get tired of the advances I will ask him “What, do you want to fuck me or something?”  He won’t know how to respond and will usually say something like “Well I wouldn’t say it like THAT…” because the way I phrased it obviously leaves way too much room for interpretation, and usually this will fizzle off into him telling his friends I am crazy.  He will talk shit on me to anyone that mentions me from there on until one day when he drunk IMs me on Facebook asking “do yoo wana come over? ;) ”  I’ll get a text the next day apologizing and he will tell me that his friend was using his Facebook.

Occasionally I will meet someone who actually has heard of me and has really positive things to say.  I have been thanked for the work I do, which always makes me feel so good, and I have had some really interesting conversations on the spot with people who have had sex related questions but didn’t know who to ask so they just never did.  Although this conversation is work related it is welcomed in comparison to the other typical interactions I tend to have, listed above.

So what is PLAN B?

I realize now that things will never go back to the way they used to be.  I will never be the person at the party that is just another person with another job.  Labels will be slapped on me faster than I can say foreskin.  This whole time I have been trying to interact with people as though they didn’t see me a certain way, and it has become apparent through lost friendships and loves that it just isn’t true.

So fine, I get it.  I don’t blame people for their reaction — America paints sexuality in such a negative, taboo light, how could they not make assumptions?

So I have decided to go down a different road.  I have decided to embrace this public image of myself as a public sex figure and turn it into opportunity.  I will make myself even sexier, even more involved in the industry, and I will mold myself all around into the perfect sex symbol.  People will get to provide feedback on what ways I can evolve to make myself even sexier.  I will display my talents and show people that I am not just talk, but rather can be the best at anything I set my mind to.  I will learn new talents that I have always wanted to pick up but always made excuses for.  I will get my body to the place I have always desired it being.  I will work with the most talented photographers in New York and together we will shoot photo set after photo set of myself in various states of undress tracking my physical growth.  I will mold myself into not just a sex kitten; I will become a sex beast, and I won’t make apologies for it anymore.

If you’re interested in being apart of my journey, then stay tuned.

Everyone loves to watch.


Follow me on Twitter! @mebrandonb

Like me on Facebook — Brandon B.

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