Hello, Cruel World

Vagina Muffins. I MEAN, REALLY NOW.

Of all the enterprises to which I’ve been asked to lend my considerable reputation, Darling House has to be the tawdriest, the lowest, the most contemptibly exploitative. It is a scumhole for perverts and queers; a dank, fetid tit that feeds only the worst in its debased, mewling retard-spawn.

It’s nothing but pornography, really. This is the kind of depraved imagery we’re talking about here:

Vagina Muffins. I MEAN, REALLY NOW.

Or, for heaven’s sake, look at THIS:

Way to go, Japan.

Sometimes this site will show ACTUAL COPULATION. Between HIPSTERS. Such as in this picture:

This photo was taken in Williamsburg.

I suppose what I’m saying is this: if you enjoy the sort of filth of which I’ve just given you a MERE SAMPLE, you’ll probably enjoy Darling House. You will also have earned my bottomless contempt.

Congratulations, fucktard.

Now, then, I am Bastard Keith, and I am to be a regular presence on this site. I will be covering humor (because porn stars are a sullen, humorless lot) and politics (because sex and politics are one and the same, or so my mother told me). I’ll also be on the culture beat. Music, movies, books, art…I’ll pretend to care about all of them. I’ll probably mostly write about hot chicks, Republicans and kung fu, honestly.

Some things I believe:

This is a good and beautiful world, despite the awful, awful people in it.

The feminine is sacred and must be worshiped. You do otherwise at your peril.

No queer ever drew up a law telling a square who they could or couldn’t fuck.

Sex is natural.

Sex is good.

Not everybody does it.

Everybody should.

To be opposed to a woman’s choice in anything is stupid. To be opposed to her choice in reproductive matters is evil.

Politics is an intellectual art. Liberals grasp this (though there are plenty of brainless liberals). Conservatives view politics as warfare, much as they view everything else.

Ethnicity is a class issue in America.

America is a great place to live.

The scums don’t always have to win.

You don’t get to talk about liberties until you grasp your responsibilities.

We all owe something to our fellow human. No exceptions.

You have to have seen at least one Kurosawa movie.

You have to have read a few books elucidating a position diametrically opposed to your own.

Drugs aren’t evil. Dealers frequently are.

Men fuck up everything they touch, but we have our moments.

My penis is pretty okay.

Oh, and this is me:

Start jacking it, ladies.

I’ll see you on the beat.



5 Comments on Hello, Cruel World

  1. Matt Holtzclaw // March 15, 2011 at 2:16 am // Reply

    I approve this message.

  2. Sovereign Syre // March 15, 2011 at 9:35 pm // Reply

    I think I pissed myself a little.

  3. You made me tinkle mah pantz.

  4. I sometimes forget how goddamn hideous Ayn Rand was. Her face was almost as unbearable to behold as her Weltanshauung is to contemplate.

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